


the colors of the sky

by cherp



Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Canonical Character Death, Canonical Unhealthy Coping Skills, Gen, Incest, M/M, Pseudo-Incest, Short One Shot, but like barely, no beta we die like ben, talking about death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-20
Updated: 2020-08-20
Packaged: 2021-03-06 17:14:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,156
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26002486
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cherp/pseuds/cherp
Summary: "Do you regret it?"Ben knew what Klaus was talking about. Of course he did—Ben knew Klaus better than anyone on the planet. But he never answered.
Relationships: Ben Hargreeves & Klaus Hargreeves, Ben Hargreeves/Klaus Hargreeves
Comments: 5
Kudos: 112





	the colors of the sky

Most of the time, when Klaus got high, he was an idiot. He did more drugs, slept with people he didn’t know, died.

You know, chaotic neutral stuff.

Most of the time, when Klaus got high, Ben ignored him. It was painful to see Klaus waste his life when Ben barely got to live his. Klaus, for his part, seemed semi-aware of Ben’s thoughts on the matter and ignored him, too.

Ben would turn his head away when Klaus did more drugs. Ben would close his eyes when Klaus slept with people he didn’t know. Ben would blink in and out of existence, his attachment to the world falling away, when Klaus died.

However, sometimes, when Klaus got high, he would sit and stare at the sky, and he would talk.

He’d talk about their father, about their siblings, about his experiences on the street, and, sometimes, about Ben.

Ben tried to give his brother privacy when he unraveled like that. Really, he did. But Ben’s curiosity always won.

“What are you talking about, Klaus?” He’d ask, genuine interest seeping his tone.

Most of the time, Klaus would wave him off. “Nothing,” he’d say. “I’m not talking about anything.”

And that’d be the end of it. Whatever he thought about, after Ben asked, would stay in his head.

Sometimes, though, after Ben asked, Klaus would turn, look into Ben’s eyes like he was staring directly into his soul, Klaus would answer, “Do you regret it?”

Ben knew what Klaus was talking about. Of course he did—Ben knew Klaus better than anyone on the planet. But he never answered. He didn’t have an answer.

“Do you regret it?” Klaus asked him, again, one evening. They’d just gone club-hopping, Klaus taking something different at every place, dancing with someone different.

Ben stood to the side, watching his brother try to kill himself in a million different ways.

They’d finally found themselves in an alley off the last club. Klaus fell to the ground, arranged himself into some semblance of a comfortable position, and asked.

Ben, predictably, was silent at Klaus’ question. But, after a few moments of quiet, he inhaled sharply, and began talking.

“I don’t think so.”

Klaus, whose eyes had shifted from Ben to the stars above them, whipped his head around to look at Ben.

“What?” he asked, his voice hoarse.

“I don’t think I regret staying,” Ben repeated. “I’m not going to say I like it, but I don’t regret staying. With you.”

“Why not?” Klaus asked. Ben wasn’t expecting that. They’d never gotten this far in this conversation before. He was thrown.

“Uhm, I don’t know. I just don’t.”

“Oh.”

They were silent for a long minute before Ben asked, “Do you regret asking?”

“Yes!” The reply was instantaneous, echoing in the quiet alley. “Yes,” Klaus said again, gentler. “I summoned you, Ben. I forced you to stay. Of course I regret it.”

“Well, that’s the stupidest thing you’ve ever said. Congrats on beating your record, dude.”

“Ben,” Klaus whined. “I’m trying to have emotions I won’t remember in the morning. C’mon.”

“Fine. Look, you shouldn’t regret it. I chose to stay, you didn’t force me. I was-“ he stopped himself. Took a deep breath. “I was scared. I still am. And the longer I stay, the more scared I am.”

“Ben…” Klaus said, his voice filled with an emotion Ben couldn’t place.

Then Klaus vomited on his shoes, and passed out.

“Typical,” Ben sighed. He made sure Klaus wouldn’t drown himself, and, satisfied with his findings, he sealed in for the night.

It was a few months before they acknowledged the conversation. Vanya’s book had just come out, and Klaus, straight out of rehab, wanted to forget.

Ben watched him check himself out of the very expensive, supposedly very effective, rehab he’d found himself involuntarily stuck in. Allison, apparently, had footed the bill for this place over the state hospital.

Ben watched him promise the nurse he’d stay clean. Go to meetings. Get better.

Ben watched him take in a deep breath of fresh air, and immediately hunt down his supplier.

Ben watched him collapse on the ground of yet another alley, new track marks littering his arm and a joint resting between his fingers.

“So,” Klaus said, breathing out a puff of smoke. “Afraid, huh?”

Ben took a moment, trying to figure out what Klaus was saying, before it clicked.

“You remember?”

“Of course I do, Benny-boy. I’m not actually as stupid as you may think I am.”

“I know that,” Ben said. He fought to resist the urge to roll his eyes. “But you were high as a kite, so forgive me for thinking you might not remember.”

Klaus hummed quietly. “Want to share with the class why you’re scared of something every dead person eventually does?”

“No, I don’t think I do.”

“Why, scared of that, too?”

“You’re a jerk.”

“I know.”

They sat in silence for a long time, long enough for the first rays of morning sunlight to peek over the skyline, bathing the sky in oranges and pinks. Ben had always loved the colors of the sky. He wished he could feel the sun.

“Any regrets other than that?” Klaus asked, eyes closed. Ben knew he was about ready to crash, so Ben waited until he was sure Klaus was asleep before answering.

_Ben and Klaus, age 7, chasing each other in the courtyard during their 30 minutes of free time after dinner. Klaus catching up with him, tackling him to the ground, skinning their knees and hands, but not caring, grins plastering their faces._

_Ben and Klaus, age 10, giggling under the covers, shushing each other every time they heard a creak in the hallway outside Ben’s bedroom, waiting for Reginald to bust in and separate them._

_Ben and Klaus, age 12, comforting each other after a tough mission. Ben never thought he’d get the taste of blood out of his mouth until Klaus kissed him, suddenly and softly, pulling away after a too-short moment. “Now you won’t taste blood,” he’d said, his cheeks flushing._

_Ben, age 13, pacing in Klaus’ room, waiting for him to come back. “Keep lookout for me,” he’d asked, and Ben agreed, because Klaus had that wild, almost unhinged look in his eyes that made Ben’s stomach flip. Klaus finally came back, sneaking in through the window. His eyes were blown and he had a dopey smile on his face. Somehow, the smile didn’t comfort Ben._

_Ben and Klaus, age 15, hiding in Klaus’ room sometime past midnight, when even Reginald must be asleep, sharing heated kisses and gentle touches._

_Klaus, age 17, staring at Ben’s casket, tears threatening to freeze to his face. Walking to the gazebo, summoning Ben. Ben agreeing to stay. Why?_

“I never told you that I was in love with you,” Ben whispered. “I still am.”

Only the colors of the sky heard him.

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! This is my first fanfic in a long time, and first ever published.  
> Constructive criticism is very welcome.  
> I hope you're having a great day/night, and, if not, I hope tomorrow is better:)


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